We are home!

God does indeed hear our cry - and answer!

More later.

My Store of Resources are Gone

It is after 4:00 PM on Tuesday afternoon and we are still in the hospital. We will be here at least one more day and possibly two. It seems the request for the wound VAC was not faxed to our insurance company until 3:00 PM on Monday. Once it reaches them it takes a minimum of 2 to 3 days for approval.

David and I both were so ready to go home today. I have had people on hold for two days waiting to help me get David in the house and settled in the bed. Some dear friends picked up my groceries for me and unpacked them. I have had to reschedule home health care twice now. I have not worked since December 28th. Tomorrow will be four weeks since the EMS brought us to the ER and David had his emergency surgery for the colon perforation.

We want this blog to be very honest as we walk this road designed by God. So I am telling you all that I came to the end of my resources this morning on hearing the news that we wouldn’t be going home. All I could do was cry and say, “Lord, no more pressure.” Shedding tears is a wonderful release, especially when we shed them before the Lord. David didn’t shed tears but he was ready to leave without the wound VAC. We are both so tired emotionally. I guess a month in the hospital will do that to you. We have nothing in us with which to go on but our God has more than we need. At my moment of despair God brought to my mind a hymn I have loved to sing through the years. Today it was very personal. The words are below.

David and I ask that you continue to bring our whole family before the God who hears and who gives and gives again.

Pam

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;

To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits,

His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Sunday Update

The past four days have been a roller coaster ride; starting with getting David discharged from the skilled nursing facility, ride home and then fours hours later calling EMS to transport us to the ER, to being admitted into the hospital again. Lydia's post gave some of the details so I won't repeat them. After the transfusion, David's blood levels have stayed in a good range. There has been no more bleeding from the stoma. The wound VAC is working and David has not needed any pain medicine since the dressing change on Friday.

The equipment needed for the home wound VAC was ordered on Friday, so hopefully, it will arrive tomorrow. If it does, we will most likely get to go home. We will need a lot of help once we get home and will be taking people up on their offers to help. We are so very blessed to have such wonderful friends and church family. We will also have home health care coming for PT and OT, wound care, and some regular nursing, like blood draws, etc.

Please pray for David's continued healing from this surgery, that there will be no more issues with bleeding, that he will each day get a little stronger and be able to do a little more physically.

We thank God for His continued grace to us. I've had two dear friends who have lost their spouses to brain cancer each share with me that the time with their spouse was the most precious and the most awful at the same time. I agree. Awful because you are watching the one you love suffer and you are helpless to do anything about it. Precious because you get the opportunity to just sit and tell one another how much you love each other and how thankful you are that God brought you together. Just today David and I were talking about our wedding vows - " in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse.." and he said, "ours has been better than most". These are the precious moments that I will always cherish. What a wonderful gift God has given me these past seven months.

Awful and precious - may God be glorified in it all.

Pam

Prayers

Lydia here. My sister called me late last night to let me know that Mom and Dad were on the way back to the hospital in an ambulance after only just arriving home yesterday. My heart sank. "When, O Lord, will you give rest to the weary?" Dad had not been receiving the best of care at the rehab facility and Mom is quite sure (as I am) that between Home Health Care and herself, Dad will be well looked-after. So, Mom had Dad discharged yesterday and she and a sweet friend brought him home.

Last night, my Mom was checking/redoing my Dad's colostomy bag (which they would not have done at the rehab facility) and noticed blood and clots in it. She immediately called their wonderful Home Health supervisor. The supervisor recommended going to the ER. She also explained that she believes the problem is due to the fact that Dad is on a blood thinner. Long story and lot of facts, so I won't go into all of that, but Dad is on blood thinners to prevent strokes. Glioblastoma care is like a puzzle. One med to prevent something can cause something else and nothing ever seems to work out as planned. God knows though- He is even orchestrating the small stuff, though I have yet to see where his plan in all this is going. I must believe that the great I AM is in the details, for isn't that what the Christian walk is based on? Faith and Hope. Faith is believing that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do. Hope is looking forward to eternity with Him and being excited about seeing that "big picture" all laid out someday. I can't wait (neither can Dad)!

Still, even with faith and hope, this journey is an exhausting one. Mom has now been up for 24 hours. Dad has not rested well since his initial hospitalization with this issue 15 (?) days ago. There is nothing Satan loves more than a weary person. When one is tired, it is easy to play up the fears, cause doubts to arise, so easy to focus on the here and now and lose sight of eternity. And that bring me to the last and greatest of "these three." Faith, hope, and...LOVE. If you love my parents, please continue to take them before the throne of grace. Ask for rest and peace for both my parents. Ask for wisdom for them and the medical teams that they deal with. Ask for chances to share the gospel with those they meet and for my parents to have boldness and seize those chances. Years ago, when I was going through something hard, a sweet friend once said to me, "I don't why I said all I could do right now was pray for you when in reality, it's the most I can do for you!" I've never forgotten that. If you are like me, you want to do something physical to help my parents, but taking them before the King of Kings is exactly what you should be doing! The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing! However, if you are able to express your love in other ways, cards in the mail are appreciated. Once they are home, meals would be nice since Mom will be working some and taking care of Dad. Send an email or Facebook message letting them know you are praying. Dad got a stereo for Christmas, so if you want to share your classical CDs with him, he'd love that. Picking up groceries for Mom (Lowes Foods to Go is AWESOME). Sitting with Dad so Mom can get out of the hospital or house. I am on day 8 of an illness that leaves me in bed, so I appreciate any care that others are giving my parents since I am unable to do so. Hannah is doing an awesome job taking care of Mom and Dad, but she does have a job and can't always be there. Love....the greatest of these is love. Thank you all for all the ways you have already shown such love to my family!

Dad received 2 units of blood and 4 units of plasma this morning. There are no available beds in the hospital, so he is still in the ER waiting to see the surgeon. No idea what is going to happen at this point but it looks like once a bed is available, he will move to a floor. Dad is alert and not in pain, that is a blessing! I need to look for even the small blessings, God is in the small stuff. I believe it!

Full Day at Rehab

David received his PT/OT assessment on Saturday. The OT visited him yesterday and he was able, with help, to get to a sitting position, standing with the walker, taking a couple of steps to the wheelchair. He ate lunch sitting in the wheelchair. He used his hands to wheel himself in the hallway a little ways. He was up for about an hour and a half. Then he slept the rest of the afternoon.

Today he had both PT and OT. They are working on all-around strengthening. He has been given exercises he can do in the bed with his legs. He has yet to do any walking - but that will come with time.

This morning he had his wound VAC dressing changed. Normally this has been torture for him. When we arrived on Friday, the wound nurse here at Blue Ridge put in an extra layer of dressing that she said should help keep the sponge from sticking to the wound. Well, this morning David said this change was less painful than the others. Pray that we will begin to see a closing of this wound and a lessening of pain with each dressing change.

On Saturday I wheeled David down to the dining room to see the very-out-of-tune piano. He played a few notes. The therapist said they would work this as part of his therapy. Of course, David was thinking, "the first job is to get this piano tuned!" LOL

Please pray for David's stay in this facility. The goal is to get him stronger so that we can bring him home. There is no place like home. I am mindful of others in this place with no home and no loved ones to help. Pray for them: "But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless...You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Ps 10: 14,17, 18

Pam

Moving to Skilled Nursing Facility

David will be moving this afternoon to Blue Ridge Health Care Center in Raleigh. The doctor's felt he needed this transition period for healing and to regain some strength before coming home.


Yesterday was a very hard day for me emotionally. David in this facility means leaving him at night and letting someone else care for him. This is a deeper surrender God is asking of me. Can I trust God to take care of David when I'm not there? Easy to say, harder to do. Over 25 years ago the Lord asked a similar thing of me with my children. We were missionaries in Senegal and I was wrestling with leaving our children in boarding school, two days away from us. It was not easy, but by the grace and strength of God I surrendered to God's will. God has shown me many times through the years how He used that experience to shape all of us; David, me and the children, into what we are today. God does not waste any experience. His goal is to mold us into the image of His Son. He is still doing that today in all of us - David, me and our children. Sometimes the molding is painful, but always for our good.

Prayer Requests:

• It is never too late, in this life, to pray for complete healing - from brain cancer, blindness from stroke, colostomy reversal. - but always submitted to the will of God.
  
• Continued wound healing for David. This also includes the colostomy, which is healing slower than normal.
  
• Regaining strength so that he is able to sit up by himself, stand, and walk.
  
• For our witness and testimony with the other patients and medical staff.
  
• I said a few days ago that God was not finished with David. We believe God is putting David in this place so that the Gospel and the hope of eternal life can be shared with those he will meet.
  
• That he will be able to come home again, much stronger than he is now.

Thank you all for your many cards, emails, FB comments, phones calls. They have been such a blessing and encouragement to us.

May God be glorified in our lives.

Pam

Wednesday Update

It was two weeks ago today that EMS brought David to the ER and we discovered he had a perforated colon and needed emergency surgery. We have had so many emotional highs and lows over the past two weeks but through it all we have known a deep peace that comes only from God Himself - the God of all comfort. I am humbled and blessed to look back on two very difficult weeks and see that God has carried us through it all.

David, by God's mercy and grace is very slowly recovering from this surgery. His healing process will be much slower than a healthy person because of his compromised immune system and the medicines he is on for his brain cancer. His white blood count has been normal for a couple of days, so between the antibiotics and changing the wound vac every two days the infection has been cleared up. Changing the wound vac is torture and wipes him out for the rest of the day.

He still is unable, without help, to get to a sitting position on the bed. We want to see him sit up, stand and walk using a walker. This too will be a slow process. We are currently discussing with the medical team (surgeon, neurologist, oncologist, and specialty nurses) the best course of action for moving forward. Which would be best for David; rehab or daily home health care with a variety of help? We are leaning toward going home. Please pray with us as we will probably need to make a decision in the next day or so.

Step by step, day by day, we are learning in new ways what it means to trust Him who is ever faithful.

Thanks for walking with us.

Pam and family

Saturday Afternoon Update

David is alert and looking better than I have seen him for several days. Praise God! The antibiotics are working and his white blood count is going down. The blood transfusion yesterday has given him a boost. Today is the first time he has eaten more than a couple of bites of food in over a week. He has managed to move from his bed to a chair for some sitting up time. His healing from this surgery is going to be slow.

Two nights ago I really thought I was going to lose David. I believe the doctors thought so too and as much as told us the possibility was there on two different occasions. As knowledgeable as doctors are, these situations show us even more clearly that each of our days are numbered by God. He is the only one who knows the end of our days.

God is not finished with David and there is more He wants all of us to learn about surrender and suffering and giving thanks in all circumstances. Oh, God, may we be forever teachable.

"Patience is more than endurance.

A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer.

God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says--'I cannot stand anymore.'

God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly.

Trust yourself in God's hands.

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.

'Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." — Oswald Chambers

Pam

Friday Morning

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9:24

Over 38 years ago David saw the truth of those words and life changed forever for him. For the past 36 ½ years I have lived with him and seen his commitment to Christ. Christ has been his life.

The past few days have been surreal in many ways for me. I wonder if it is like this for everyone facing the death of a loved one from a hospital bed. The doctors and nurses come in, examine him and order the next round of tests or medications trying to save a life.

So many people cling to this life and take extraordinary measures to hold on to it. David has always lived with the hope and assurance of the next life so he is more than ready to leave this life and all of its limitations and bodily suffering. His biggest concern has been for me. God has given us the most awesome, wonderful marriage where we truly have been one. I know how passionately my husband has loved me and still loves me, but He has always loved Jesus more – in this I find great comfort. What greater gift could a husband give his wife than to love their Savior more? My heart breaks as I write these words, for life without this dearest of God’s blessings will not be easy and yet I know I will be all right for God has promised to never leave me or forsake me.

We don’t know if God is going to take David in the next few days or not, but we are at peace with whatever God does.

Here is the latest:
David is now wearing a DNR bracelet. We want him as comfortable as possible but we do not want any extraordinary means used to keep him alive in this body (his spirit is being renewed day by day). He had two units of blood this morning. His white blood count is still up and the doctors don’t know the source. They have ordered a CT scan to see if maybe he has another abscess in his abdomen. If he does, surgery is not an option because he is so weak. They could put in a drain depending on the location or the possibility is there that nothing could be done. Again, we are at peace. God is in the details.

Thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. We are blessed.

Pam

Update 1/6/11

Lydia here! Thank you all so much for your prayers and support as our family goes through this time of unknowns and ups and downs. Thank you for lifting us up to the One who knows all and who has the perfect plan. A master plan. A plan in which every moment that Dad is left on earth simply means that his work on earth is not yet done and that there is more glory that he can bring to his Lord.

I know so many of you are faithfully praying for us. So many of you have asked what you can do to help our family in this time of need. We need your prayers! I would also like to ask you to feel free to email my parents with words of encouragement or drop a card in the mail. I am checking my parents mailbox on a regular basis and would enjoy taking them something besides bills:)

Here's what is happening so you will know how to pray:
Dad's white blood cell count continues to rise and we don't know why. The hospital staff is doing what they can to find out. While I was at the hospital today, they opened Dad back up and it appears that the cell-count issue is not related to last week's surgery (colostomy). There doesn't seem to be any infection at the wound site. Because Dad has been on blood thinners, he is bleeding a lot and his hemoglobin is very low.Right now his counts (hemoglobin) are sitting at 8.5, once it drops to 8, he will need to receive a transfusion. Dad is very weak, sleeping around the clock (except when he's being poked and prodded), and his color isn't good. He is completely immobile, whereas only this past weekend, he was able to walk around some. A lot needs to happen before he can come home from the hospital.

Here's what you can praise God for: Dr. Canon is the surgeon who did the colostomy last Wednesday. Now, I've been around the medical community enough to know that this doctor is a rare find indeed.He has already been by Dad's room THREE times today. I really appreciated his bedside manner, he seems to really care about Dad and expresses interest in our entire family. The nurses have all told us how "lucky" we were that he was on call when we came into the ER last week. We know that luck had nothing to do with it:)
I'm also so thankful for my parents' church family. I have a dear friend in their congregation that I can call at the drop of a hat and she will see that things get done. Sometime over the next couple of days they are going to take care of some things for Mom and Dad- big jobs, not little things by any means! Although, having said that...even the little things are HUGE. Cards, emails, FB messages, it all means so much to us right now and is so encouraging- THANK YOU!!!!

Well, I'm at my parents house as I write this and the laundry's almost done and the house is tidy, so time to head back to my little (HAH!) family and take care of things there. Thank you all for your prayers!
~Lydia

Tuesday Update

David's strength has weakened. Today we were unable to get him in a sitting position and therefore unable to get him up for a walk. I have requested PT.

The results from the echocardiogram, ordered by the neurologist yesterday, showed that David has a hole in his heart (not unusual) BUT because of his condition (combination of meds, disease, lack of mobility) a blood clot was able to "jump over" the hole and travel to his brain (my simple un-medical explanation). Because of the one stroke in October we knew he was susceptible to others. The hole in his heart further raises the risk. He had a ultrasound on his legs today to see if there are any blood clots. We haven't heard anything so perhaps that is good news. He will definitely need to be back on Coumadin after he starts eating again.

Finally after six days David's oncologist came in tonight. This has been very upsetting for me especially since it was on her advice that we brought David to this particular hospital. There was a communication breakdown somewhere and she was not informed until today. I asked the nurse to call her - and she did. The doctor is recommending to the surgeon that we move David to the neuro floor so that he will get care more related to his limitations with the brain cancer.

He seems to be healing from the surgery. His wound looks good. He started full liquids today with no problems.

Today was especially tiring for him. On the whole, I feel he is mentally alert with only minor occasional confusion. He has let the nurses and doctors know that I speak for him because sometimes he might not get it right.

I am so thankful tonight for the everlasting arms. I know they are holding David and me and our family very close.

"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms..." Deut. 33:27

Pam

The In-Between

After a rough night David is finally resting. The surgeon came in this morning and said the NG tube could be removed. David can only have ice chips at this point to see how he tolerates them but we are thankful for this small step toward recovery.

A little later in the morning we saw the doctor on-call with our oncology practice. He was very nice and confirmed what I (Pam) was suspecting. A combination of the Avastin chemo drug and the steroids most likely caused the rupture in David's colon. It is all a balancing act - introduce additional drugs to keep the tumors at bay but risk other complications. The Avastin was stopped in early December because an MRI showed David had had a stroke - enter balancing act # 2. Stop Avasin and the benefits of slowing tumor growth or start Coumadin (blood thinner) because the greater risk has now become another stroke.

Because of David's high risk for another stroke the doctor's are increasing the dosage of his Heparin injection. This adds balancing act # 3 - keep him from a stroke and slow the healing from surgery or keep the dosage the same and risk another stroke.

A while back I wrote "God knows the end of this journey - and everything in between." When I wrote that I certainly did not know that we would have these complications. All my eyes could see was the journey of brain cancer and how, if God did not heal David, what the progression of the disease would do to him. A ruptured colon, emergency surgery, a colostomy were not in the picture. God graciously does not allow us to see "everything in between". Knowing the end is what gives us hope.

Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. One day sin and suffering will be totally done away with. In the meantime, we eagerly await...

Pam