Up and Walking

David is doing great, especially considering his condition before this emergency surgery. He had a good night and rested well. He walked a short distance yesterday and has already walked a little further this morning with the walker. The goal is three short walks today. He would prefer not to have all of the tubes (IV, wound vac, NG, & cath) but hopefully, before too long, he can have some of those removed.

David and I prayed together this morning and thanked God for His grace and love to us. We also affirmed God's goodness - all the time - in all circumstances. Suffering is not easy and we may not understand all the whys but this we know - God is good.

Thank you for you continued prayers for David and all of our family.

Love,
Pam

He's Awake!

Dad is awake and doing well. He is in a regular room and talking some. He is very groggy, obviously, and in quite a bit of pain. I also think he's a little disappointed :) But, praise the Lord for this blessing!

The next 24 hours will be very important. Although the surgery was very successful, the surgeon kept reminding us that Dad is a very sick man and "this may kill him."

Whatever the outcome, we give God all the glory.

Waiting

This morning Dad was taken to the emergency room at Rex Hospital with a swollen stomach and weakness throughout his body. He received a CAT scan and a large ruptured abscess was found in his colon. It is unknown what the actual cause of this was but the only option at this point is surgery.

He entered surgery at 6:30 pm. and we were told it should take about two hours.

This type of thing can be dangerous for a healthy individual so you can imagine the prognosis for a man who has no immune system. Dad's body is very weak and sick but we are prepared for whatever outcome the Lord has for him.

I spoke with him briefly before surgery and his only concern was for his family, particularly his wife. Even in the face of death, his thoughts are selfless.

My sister asked him if he was tired and "ready" and his response was, "I have this feeling of excitement but, yes, I am tired."

Whatever the outcome, may God receive ALL the glory.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye Heavenly Host;
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

MRI Results - and New Treatment

David had his MRI on Monday, December 7th. We saw the doctor on December 9th and got the results.

Praise God there is no visible growth of the two tumors. They look to be about the same size, as far as the scan can detect.

The scan did show that David has had a substantial stroke. This accounts for his loss of sight on the left side. The doctor felt it warranted starting some preventive treatment as this seems to be the pressing issue right now.

He will be taking the blood thinner, Coumadin. He must stop the infusion chemo because of the side-effects and how it could impact this new issue. He will continue on the monthly oral chemo along with daily steriods.

The doctor suggested starting home health care. This will save us a weekly trip into the doctor for blood work and also begin to put into place help for the future, should we need it. We had our first visit by the nurse just this week.

David has been eating much better and getting around on his own here at home. We still need the wheelchair when we go out. He doesn't have the strength or energy to walk or stand for any length of time.

We thank God for everyday. We are praying that He will be glorified in our lives as we continue on this journey designed by His loving hands.

Time for an Update

It’s been a while since I updated this blog, so I will give it a shot today. I’m thankful to Pam and other family for adding to it as they could. Thanks to everyone for the kind comments as well as the prayers.

Having just come through the Thanksgiving holiday, we are impressed by how blessed we are. Our children are saved and continuing in their pilgrimage with Jesus. That reaches into eternity. As Romans 8:18-19 says: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” How glorious! No more heartaches. No more cancer. Only continuous joy, which we are already experiencing to a great degree even now.

I have lost most of my sight on the left side. That makes reading and playing the piano rather difficult. God willing, that will reverse itself. I miss both.

It’s almost time for lunch, but I can’t stop without a special word of thanks to our family at Fellowship Bible Church. The cancer has caused me to have limited mobility. For that reason I am often in a wheelchair. The men from the church came and built a ramp so Pam could roll me from the house into the garage. Thanks guys. God bless you all.

Closer to home than ever before.

David

Saturday Update

David informed me yesterday morning that he had not regained the vision on his left side. He was first aware something was wrong while sitting in his recliner in the den "listening" to the news on the TV. I say listening because he said he could not see the TV. His eyes kept pulling toward our very colorful family photo sitting on the right side of the TV. Tests with the oncologist yesterday confirmed this. He can only see what is in front of him or to the right of him. The oncologist told him he must let me know if the condition worsens because it could mean bleeding in the brain. Otherwise, I feel he is doing good. He still has moments of confusion but they are mild and far between. He will continue with his infusion chemo on Wednesday.

His goal today is to sit at the piano and play through the music for Sunday. He wants to continue to lead worship on Sundays as long as God enables. By the grace of God that is our prayer also. I have seen over the past few Sundays that "God's grace has been sufficient for David, for His power is made perfect in David's weakness."

To God be the glory!

Pam for all of us

But we have this treasure in jars of clay...

David experienced some sort of episode/seizure yesterday afternoon. It actually started earlier in the week as I noticed he seemed a little disoriented and confused about the day of the week. I stayed home from work most of Tuesday and all day Wednesday because I was afraid to leave him.

Wednesday afternoon we had some friends stop by for a short visit and within 30 mintues of their leaving he had this episode. I was working in another part of the house and heard some noise. When I poked my head into the hallway I noticed David was trying to walk from the den into the kitchen and he was dragging his left leg. It was deja vu, especially since I had already been noticing some confusion in him. I called the EMS and he was transported to the ER.

They did not keep him because there is not much you can do to treat someone with brain cancer and seizures just seem to be a part of it. He did have a CAT scan and we were able to rule out bleeding in the brain. There was a small amount of edema so he was given a shot of steriods and will continue on oral steriods for 15 days (normal protocol with brain cancer).

We had a follow-up visit with the neurologist today. We will see the oncologist tomorrow. David continues to be a little disoriented at times and has some mild short-term memory loss. According to the doctor, only time will tell if he regains what he has lost in this regard. He is much stronger on his affected left side, including his vision, which he had problems with while in the ER. We are only one day out from the episode/seizure. We are hopeful!

The neurologist was in agreement with the ER doctor that David should not be left alone now. I am so very grateful that my boss is allowing me to work from home and that he sees the importance of taking care of family. May God bless this man abundantly for his kindness and compassion!

Today David was able to see humor in all of this by asking me, "what do you think they put on my chart last night as to why I came into the ER? Probably, 'old man admitted into ER because he knocked over his glass of juice." (that is how this started. He reached for his glass of juice, weakness overtook him and he could not hold on to it.)

I have been comforted by 2 Corinthians 4 today - "...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

Thank you for your continued prayers for David and all of our family.

Pam

Some Tumor Growth but not Aggressive

We saw the oncologist today. The MRI showed some tumor growth but not aggressive growth. We thank God.

Starting tomorrow, David will be adding infusion chemo as part of his treatment to go along with the Temodar oral chemo. He will go every two weeks for an infusion of Avastin. These are the normal protocols for glioblastoma multiforme brain tumors.

We are thankful for every day. God's mercy and grace to us humbles us. He is teaching us in new ways about what it means to trust Him for every moment of every day.

Thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf.

Love to you all,
Pam

MRI Results Today

David had his MRI on Sunday. We see the oncologist today (Tuesday 10/12/10). We take comfort in knowing God already knows what we will be told. This journey is part of His plan - "But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me, I shall come out as gold." (Job 23: 10)

To God be the glory!

Pam, for all of us

Recent Tests

David here again. Before I go further, let me show you what I look like on the inside. Below is one of the images from the MRI that I had this past Monday. Aren’t we glad we have skulls, skin, etc., even if we don’t all have hair (the case with me at present)?


Now for the news. I saw my neurologist on Wednesday. Of course, he understood what the MRI was saying. It seems that I have two new tumors. They are very small, one 2 centimeters in diameter, the other only 4 millimeters. The neurologist wil be consulting with my other doctors to plan the time for the next MRI. Gliobastoma multiformes (GBM) are extremely fast growing, doubling in size every two weeks. My present regimen of chemo therapy may hold them at bay. The next MRI will tell more. I have been experiencing more fatigue in the last couple of weeks, but the doctor said this is probably from the chemo more than the tumors, considering their small size at the moment.

I thank everyone for your continued prayers. Pray that I have the energy and clearness of mind to always honor our Lord Jesus as the adventure continues.

David

Family all Together - August 2010

Here is the photo we promised. It is very difficult getting 16 people, 9 of them children, to all look at the camera at the same time and smile but Granddaddy and Grandmommy love the photo anyway!

Finally, David Speaks

David here.

I finished my 30 sessions of radiation therapy on Tuesday and have a few days off from the chemo. The chemo will change somewhat. Soon I will begin doing the chemo for one week per month to continue for a year. I’m still feeling the fatigue from the radiation and the chemical feel from the chemo but trust that will subside with time.

Everyone’s comments on this blog have been a blessing to me and especially their prayers. God is faithful and has given me a continuous joy at the thought of standing in the midst of the glorious scene around His throne.

Having no fear of death has allowed me to find some humor in some of the happenings of the past three months. I think the funniest was in the radiation room one day. Now I am aware that God can and may heal me of this cancer, and I welcome whatever His will may be. But in the natural, I know this is terminal cancer, the average life expectancy being from one to two years. So one day I find myself lying on the table under the radiation machine, my head fastened down under a mask so I can’t move. The technicians move to an adjoining room from which they operate the machine. There is always a radio in the radiation room playing popular hits from the 60s and 70s. I’m lying on the table, hearing the machine moving over my head, stopping periodically to hit me with a long blast of Xrays that are to attack the cancer cells. What do I hear playing on the radio? The Bee Gees singing, “Staying alive, staying alive, ooo ooo oooo . . .” Talk about irony.

Below you will find a photo of me with the radiation mask. I added the sunglasses to it for entertainment purposes.

Enough of the trivia of this world. Let me end with a quote from one of my favorite theologians, Loraine Boettner. In his book Immortality, as Boettner discusses the eternal future of all who have embraced Jesus Christ as Lord and therefore Savior, he writes:

“The grave, then, is not a blind alley, but a thoroughfare, leading to a much richer life beyond. This life is but prologue; the primary sphere of our existence lies in the future. We can attain completeness only in that other realm where there is no more sickness nor death and where progress is always onward and upward.”

Looking forward to the onward and upward.

David

His Mercies are New Every Morning.

Great is His faithfulness!

We are so very thankful for God's continued mercies to our family:

We enjoyed a week with Philip & Angela and children up from Florida.

A wonderful Sunday with extended family, including David's brother Bill & family, Philip sharing the Word at church, a Senegalese meal together & our family photo (to follow).

David reconnecting with some cousins that he had not seen in years.

Making it to radiation treatment number 24, including daily chemo.

Hannah and friends being spared serious injury from a car accident that totaled her car this past Saturday.

David having the strength and clarity of mind to preach yesterday and share why he is facing eternity with joy. (That is his Powerpoint slide above. Don't you love that stick man?)

Every morning the strength to drive to Raleigh, then come home and work all afternoon. What a blessing this has been for me (Pam) to have a boss who has allowed me to do this and keep my job AND care for my husband.

Great is His faithfulness!

Posted by Pam

The Family is all Together

We thank the Lord our whole family is going to get to spend some time together. Philip, Angela and their children have arrived from Florida and will be here a week. Nine children ranging in ages from 8 years to 13 months - what fun they are going to have and what memories we all will make! Our prayer is that everyone will stay healthy & happy.

This coming Sunday, August 1st our family of 16 will be at Mom & Dad's church, Fellowship Bible Church in Fuquay-Varina. Dad will lead worship from the piano and Philip will be preaching and sharing his call to ministry as a Navy Chaplain. Mom will be sitting there praising God and smiling from ear to ear because she has all of her family around her. We would love to have you join us Sunday (10:30 - noon) as we worship & praise God for who He is and His many, many blessings to us as a family.

We're hoping to get a new family photo to share - Dad with his bald head and 9 little children all looking happy and at the camera!

Pam's story: part 3 and an update

...the phone rang....

It was the neurologist, Dr. Bowman. He informed me that David had a brain tumor and we needed to get to the ER immediately. I called the ambulance, got David ready (grabbed that hotdog he was about to eat), and called my daughters, Lydia and Hannah.

Dr. Bowman was waiting for us when we arrived in the ER at Wake Med. David was given an ER bed and prepped as if for surgery. We really thought that he would be going into surgery that night. Lydia and Hannah arrived with friends from their churches and began to make phone calls for me. They called our son, Philip, who lives in Florida as well as talked to my siblings who are in Georgia. From what I could understand from the neurologist and neurosurgeon, David was close to death and things did not look hopeful.

After a couple of hours in the ER, David was moved up to the neurosurgical intensive care ward. We still thought surgery would take place that night. Family and friends kept arriving to pray and support us. Philip and his family began the long all-night drive up from Orlando area. My brother and sister and their spouses packed to come and be with me from Georgia.

While I was visiting David in the ICU, Lydia and Hannah came in and noticed the nurse offering David a meal. Lydia immediately confronted the nurse, asking why he was being given food if he was going into surgery. The nurse could not tell us much, or didn't want to, but she did let us know that David would not be going into surgery that night. We were very confused. Here, we had been led to believe that David would die without this surgery and now they were telling us that he was not having the surgery. We did know that David has been put on anti-seizure meds as well as steroids to reduce swelling in his brain. Otherwise, we were very confused because we were being told so many different things. The conclusion we finally came to at that time was that the surgeon thought that surgery wouldn't do any good.

Now we know otherwise! We have been told since the surgery (that took place two days later), that if surgery had been performed that night, it would have killed David. The swelling was so bad, that one cut would have caused an aneurism or brain bleed. It would have been fatal. Praise the Lord that the surgeon knew this and took the time to really look over the MRI results and study the tumor. Praise the Lord that the steroids worked to reduce the swelling enough that surgery WAS possible two days later.

And now we continue with research and recovery. David is doing well after two weeks of radiation and two months of on and off chemo. He is really starting to feel fatigued and we are limiting our time with groups of people as his immune system is really poor. We have to be so careful of what he is exposed to, we have even posted a warning notice on our front door.

Yesterday, we had Lydia's family over for lunch. Guess what we had?

Hotdogs!

New feature on the blog

So, those of you that only know a portion of the family might be wondering what Dad has had to live with for 34 years. Trust me, it ain't all pretty. However, in order to introduce ourselves to you, I have added our individual blogs to the sidebar.

Now, this could be very incriminating so please view at your discretion and then quickly forget everything that you have seen. Most importantly, and please don't forget this detail; if you happen to stumble across Lydia's blog at certain times of the year (June 13), there may be pictures posted of a less than attractive adolescent female. These pictures are to be quickly forgotten and never talked of again.

cheers!

Hannah

Independence Weekend

"Suppose a nation in some distant Region should take the Bible for their only law Book, and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited! Every member would be obliged in conscience, to temperance, frugality, and industry; to justice, kindness, and charity towards his fellow men; and to piety, love, and reverence toward Almighty God ... What a Utopia, what a Paradise would this region be."

--Diary and Autobiography of John Adams, Vol. III, p. 9.

Yesterday was a day spent with family and friends. It was a day spent celebrating, more than anything, the freedoms that we have in Christ. We are free from fear and hopelessness. No matter the circumstances of our lives, a carefully constructed plan has been designed and whether that design is difficult or easy, it is all joyous because it was designed by God.

"There is never a fear that has not a corresponding fear not." - Amy Carmichael

There was much joy in the Carson household yesterday as we were joined by Uncle Mike (mom's brother), Aunt Sandra (his wife) and my dear friend Lindsey (my long lost twin). There was also much eating in the Carson household because, well, that's just what we do! We also sing, much like the Von Trapp family but with less twirling on mountain tops and other such nonsense.

Mom had been witness to the decline in Dad's piano playing in the weeks prior to learning of the brain tumor. He would have difficulty leading worship at church and would stumble through pieces that he has played with precision for years. We were afraid that his ability and coordination would be affected by the tumor and surgery. There have been so many things that we were told to expect and we are filled with joy each time recognize God's healing touch.

Dad plays as well as he ever did. No stumbling. He bounces around on that piano bench like he has for the past 50 years. It's a good thing that he can play again because even though my voice rivals that of Aretha Franklin's, I sound much better with accompaniment.

**********************************************

This week starts the radiation-chemo treatments. These will be five days a week for six weeks. Dad has been fitted for his radiation helmet which in my mind looks like this...

We have been told that the treatments will be very exhausting and could make him feel very sick but we have hope that the Lord will continue to strengthen him through this next trial. The Lord has been so faithful and we pray that Dad will rest and heal in the coming weeks.

I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord. make me dwell in safety - Psalm 4:8

Update

Lydia here:) First of all, let me say that I am so sorry I haven't gotten to part three of Mom's story yet. I know some of you are really wanting to hear the whole story. I've had sick kids and a busy life for the past few weeks and sitting down to type hasn't been a priority. If you want to see something I've written lately, check out my Father's Day post over at The Mommy Pages .

I will finished Mom's story when I get back from vacation, but for now, here's an update on Dad's condition to better let you know how to pray.

1st - Daddy started his pre-radiation chemo on Sat, Jun 19. He takes the drug Temodar, chemo especially for GBM, for 5 days

2nd - He had his post-op with the surgeon today. The surgeon feels he is doing great. We told the surgeon that we now had a better understanding of the term "resection". Before the surgery, he kept saying he hoped to be able to remove the tumor and do a resection. After the surgeon he told us the tumor was well defined and had white matter all around it and that he was able to do a good resection.  Meaning = remove some of the normal brain matter.  That means Daddy is now missing some of his brain! Of course, they are very careful with what they remove and the location makes a big difference as to what they can remove. So, Daddy is doing GREAT!

3rd - Mom and Dad saw the radiation oncologist yesterday. He laid out the plan for radiation. Daddy will have IMRT (Intensity modulated Radiation Therapy), and advanced type of radiation therapy that delivers high doses of radiation directly to a very targeted area. The radiation will only be given to the tumor bed and 3 centimeters around in the normal tissue. Daddy will have 30 treatments in all. We will go 5 days a week for 6 weeks to the Cancer Centers of NC in Raleigh for treatment. He will also be taking a different dosage of Temodar while doing radiation.

4th - We went back to the Cancer Centers today for his initial setup. He has a CT scan of his brain. It will help determine exactly where to aim the radiation. He also was fitted for his radiation mask, a mesh like mask that molds to your face. They mark it and then aim the radiation at the marks. You can Google radiation mask to get a better idea of what they look like.

4th - We return on July 1st for his final radiation setup called a simulation. The doctor will have looked at his CT scan and determined the exact course of action.

5th - July 6th will be his first radiation treatment.  The treatment itself only lasts 5 or 6 minutes because of the type (IMRT).

During all of this we will be seeing his regular oncologist and neurologist for appointments.  We've been given all of the warnings for radiation  - hair loss, burned scalp, lower immune system. We will need to be very careful that Daddy does not come into contact with anyone who is sick, even with the sniffles.  There are all kinds of others side-effects.

Keep praying. He is doing so well we keep asking ourselves, "has God healed him?" Time will tell but we are trusting the Lord.



"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him." 

Happy Father's Day!!!

"Fatherhood is pretending

the present you love most

is soap-on-a-rope"

- Bill Cosby

Signs and symptoms and how God intervenes...continued

...as the days went on, it was obvious that David was becoming more and more fatigued, even after doing very little or even nothing at all! He was usually very busy and active, with tuning and piano repairs in the morning and teaching lessons in the afternoons and early evenings. He was also very busy with yardwork, house maintenance, church preparations and activities and daily living in general. Now, the simplest tasks would wear him out and he would accomplish less and less during a 24 hour span of time.

On Saturdays, our normal routine is to get up by 6:30 and spend the morning doing yard work and home maintenance/housework and then in the afternoon we would prepare for Sundays. For David, that meant going over the music for the worship service and preparing his Sunday School lesson. He could no longer do all this. He would now get up, then sit in his recliner all day- no energy at all to do anything! He admitted to feeling tired but didn't think that anything else was really the matter.

It is so important to know your spouse. To know their heart, their desires, their normal level of activity, their cognitive and physical abilities, their self. This is important in any marriage, but was especially crucial at this time because I was able to know without a doubt that something was very wrong with David. I finally talked him into going to the doctor... but he made an appointment for a regular physical a month later! He didn't even mention any symptoms he was having to the scheduling clerk.

On Mother's Day, Lydia and Hannah went out and bought a glucose monitoring system and tested David's blood sugar. They were really worried and it was obvious to both of our daughters that something was wrong with their Dad. They threw around ideas of what it could be; diabetes, heart disease, Pernicious anemia (which David's father had).... but brain tumor was never mentioned. After seeing that it wasn't just me that was worried, David agreed to let me make an appointment for him for that next week. We also agreed to tell our church family about the issues he was having so that they could join us in praying. I really believe now, that it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit that led me to move up that doctor's appointment rather than wait a month.

At this time, the only symptom that David was aware of having was fatigue. He was unaware of his mood changes, memory loss, or confusion and losing track of time. On Mother's Day, my granddaughter, Lauren (who has Spina Bifida and therefore always notices the way that other people get around) commented that "Granddaddy is walking funny." It was true, David was walking very slowly and deliberately, almost as if he was carefully thinking about his foot placement. I knew also that he had stumbled a few times in and around our home.
We went to the family physician that week after Mother's Day. They could find nothing wrong and made no suggestions, although they did order bloodwork. The doctor felt no sense of urgency although he did suggest a referral to a neurosurgeon once the labwork results were in. Again, I believe it is so important to know your spouse! To a doctor who sees someone only once a year, nothing may appear to be wrong. I knew there was something very wrong because I know my husband!

Several days went by and still we had heard nothing from the doctor's office concerning the lab results. I kept hounding the nurse at that practice. I believe this also was the prompting of the Holy Spirit. We know now that time was of the essence, and now that we can see the bigger picture we see that all this time saved (in moving up the appointment, pushing to get test results, etc) is why David is still alive today. The nurse was a little irritated with me but finally she called and let me know that she had the results and everything was normal. I later found out that the results had been in for several days, those are days that could have been critical! Praise God for His hand of protection on David!

Even though the test results were "normal" I knew we needed to see the neurosurgeon. Rather than wait on a referral, I called the neurosurgeon's office myself and made the appointment for May 20, just 11 days after Mother's Day. David went from walking "funny" on Mother's Day to having to be supported by me just to get into the neurosurgeon's office building. He was dragging his left foot and leg (due to his tumor being on the right side which affects function on the left side). We saw Dr. Michael Bowman at Raleigh Neurology. He is a wonderful doctor. He was very thorough in his exam and put David through many tests. He knew something was wrong and immediately ordered an MRI.

Again, I see the guidance of the Holy Spirit in all this. The MRI was going to be scheduled for Memorial weekend. David and I had planned to go away this particular weekend (the 21rst of May) for our anniversary. Instead, I pleaded with the MRI scheduling clerk to please give us a sooner date. God is so good! The clerk managed to fit David in that very next day. I didn't mind missing my weekend away as long as it meant finding out what was wrong with David.
By the next day, I had to get a wheelchair for David in order to get him into the MRI office. He was too weak to walk. In one day's time, his health and abilities had deteriorated so much! The MRI was at 3:00 that afternoon. I called Lydia, our oldest daughter, from the waiting room and told her how David was just not walking at all anymore. We also considered every possible medical issue that could be causing his symptoms. We even discussed Parkinsons syndrome. We still had not even considered a brain tumor. A very sweet, godly man in our church had just passed away from a brain tumor two weeks earlier. We watched his dear family go through a year of this, yet we never even thought it was going to happen to us. How could it hit two men in our very small church family?

Once the MRI was over, I took David home. I should mention here that I had not let him drive for some time, it was too scary for me to consider. So, we drove home knowing that with the MRI being scheduled so late in the day on a Friday, it was not likely that we would even hear from the neurosurgeon until the following Tuesday. Praise God again (and many times AGAIN)for His hand on David! Praise God for a radiologist that looked at that scan and knew what he was seeing! Praise God for a neurosurgeon who was available to get the results from that radiologist. Praise Him!

I had just made those famous hotdogs mentioned in a previous post (and which everyone at the hospital now knows about) and David was just getting ready to take his first bite... when the phone rang. It was the neurosurgeon.

...to be continued....

From a Son's Perspective

From Philip's blog (http://pdcarson.com/wordpress/)

"Friday night my world was shaken to its core and I was dropped to my knees in the span of about 2 minutes.

My mom called.
My dad -
-the man who was my idol,
-everything I wanted to be,
-had a brain tumor.

And not just any brain tumor, – no- because of the perfectionist he is, he had to go and get the mother of all brain tumors. No little pansy job would do, not for this man.

GBM level 4 (Basically its doctor talk for ticking time-bomb)

Needless to say we loaded the kids in the car and rushed to North Carolina. And what transpired in those few fateful days will I think forever leave their mark on me, my family and my ministry.

I saw joy. You read that right, I saw joy. It looks like a man on his deathbed one breath away from eternity and excited at the prospect. There was no fear in this man’s eyes. To be sure there is always some fear of the unknown but that joy overwhelmed us. It took hold of my mother, my sisters, me, it took hold of everyone who would talk to any of us. My Father’s joy became our joy and peace (the kind that passes all understanding to those who don’t know HIM) enveloped us.

All those things I ever wanted to say to my father (you know the sentimental mushy stuff men never say to men) I said, I said them all. But above all else the mark of the man that I want to strive for is the fuel that charges my dad. To live for eternity. Oh to be like him in that regard.

We returned home on Wednesday, after seeing my dad through a successful surgery on Monday and I trust he will soon be back to his old self, but as the doctor’s told us, the switch has been flipped and the clock is set at 1 ½ to 2 years.

God could yet provide other miracles, but if not, the mark that is left from those few days when the family of God gathered around one of their brothers is forever burned into our minds. Most go to a hospital in fear and trepidation. We went to potentially see someone off. It just so happens that this time his flight was delayed and he would remain a stranger in a strange land for a while longer.

As always
Not I, but Christ
For to me to live is Christ
To die gain

Of signs and symptoms

(In Pam's words)

"I first began to notice that something was not quite right with David in early April. I had been back at work for a month after some medical/surgical complications of my own. I had not worked for over 3 months and David took such good care of me during that time. He did everything for me; cooking, cleaning, making sure I was comfortable, as well as working his normal occupation. After I went back to work, he began to be a little socially withdrawn. He was not as talkative as usual. After a little more time went by, he seemed to be depressed. Depression is so out of character for David! As most of you know, he is an outgoing, witty man. I asked him about it, but he said he was not depressed. David would still get up in the mornings and have his quiet time with the Lord but it seemed that the joy had gone out of his life. On occasion, after we would talk about things, he would rouse himself and be more "normal" for a day or so. This went on for about a month.

I told no one except the Lord. I didn't know at the time, but Lydia and Rich (our oldest daughter and her husband) had also noticed that something was "off" about David. Our son Philip, was a little confused after a phone conversation he had with David. Both Lydia and Philip thought something might be wrong but it was so subtle they weren't sure and didn't ask me. In early May, people at church started noticing and asking me about David. His teaching had lost its passion. He seemed to have difficulty in gathering his thoughts and often went over his time allowance. For those that know David and have heard him teach and preach, you know that he has always been "quick on his feet," quick to answer questions and refer someone to particular verses in the Bible and quick to come up with a story that relates to a situation. He was now lacking all of this.

Then his music began to suffer. David has played the piano for over 50 years. This is not something one forgets! He leads the worship at our church and practices with the worship team weekly. Practice soon became disorganized and David was unable to answer musical questions quickly. He would be playing a piece of music and hit the wrong notes. Practice would start late, because David seemed to no longer have a real concept of time. We were late to church several times, something that has never happened with us! Again, this was so out of character for David, this was not the man I knew so well after nearly 36 years of marriage. I was really very worried and prayed and cried out to the Lord constantly."

Psalm 18:6 In my distress, I called upon the Lord, and cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry for help before Him came into His ears.

...to be continued

Redeeming the Trial

I have a sweet friend who lost her husband just over a year ago to the same type of tumor that Dad has. All during this past week, she has been an encouragement to and prayer warrior for our family. In one of her letters to me she used the expression, "redeeming the trial" in reference to being able to use her own circumstances to encourage and pray for us. This phrase has stuck with me.

Redeeming the trial.


What does that mean to me? It means that I allow the trial to bring about change in my life. Something that redeems is something that delivers or brings about salvation or change.I find that I am suddenly looking at my life and the lives of those around me through different eyes. None of us are promised another hour. Yet we live life as if we have multiple tomorrows. Are we living life with an eternal mindset? Are we focused on Jesus Christ? Are we laying up treasures in heaven? Are we reaching out to those around us rather than living in our own little bubbles? I am praying already that this trial of Dad's brings about lasting change in myself and others.



To redeem also means to restore the honor or worth of. As I consider the words, "honor" and "worth" I am praying that I will be worthy of the honor of undergoing this trial, even though not as closely as my Dad himself is undergoing the trial. As James 1:2-3 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." And James 1:12 says, "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." It is a blessing and an honor to go through trials! The man who walks the easy road probably isn't growing very much. I am already praying that my parents will not forget to count it a joy and blessing to undergo this trial. I am also praying that they will be tested (and react to the testing) in such a way that the world will not be able to doubt who the Author of my parents' story is.


Redeeming the trial.


This means using the trial to share Jesus and taking every moment that remains to glorify God. We redeem the trial by our Christ-like actions and reactions in the midst of hard times. We redeem the trial by having empathy with and sharing the burdens of those going through their own set of difficult circumstances. We redeem the trial by focusing more on the cross and less on self. We redeem the trial by openly sharing our situtuation with other believers so that they in turn can pray and praise with us, growing in their own relationship with their Savior and with fellow heirs. We redeem the trial by using our hard circumstances as a way to reach out to those that don't know Jesus.

Redeeming the trial.


People find a common bond in hard situations. Sickness is a bond that draws people together. My Dad has brain cancer and our family will redeem this trial for the glory of God!


Over the next few days, I will be sharing my parents story and how this whole trial began. From what Dad's first signs and symptoms were to the current prognosis. My prayer is that God will be glorified in the writing and telling of the story and that you will be encouraged and convicted.
Solus Christus,

Heading Home

Dad is officially being released today (from the hospital not prison).
So let's see...
We found out a week ago that he had a massive brain tumor.
The surgeons removed that tumor less than a week ago.
He is up and walking and going home today.

Try to convince me that God doesn't exist.

Go ahead.

I dare you.

Healing and Recovery

Lydia here:) I'm not the writer that Hannah is, but she does have a full-time job so you'll have to put up with me when she's not able to post updates. Dad is doing really well. Thank you all so much for your prayers!

Dad is up and walking some with a walker and will come home with a walker. He is under the care of physical and occupational therapists and is trying different exercises in order to rebuild his strength as well as re-learn how to do certain things. He's hoping to get down to the hospital's piano and try his hands out there tomorrow!

We still have not heard back from the pathology lab- hoping to hear tomorrow at the latest. This will determine the course of treatments available to Dad and help to know what will be most successful. Please pray for continued wisdom for the medical staff and our family as these decisions are made.

We are in the process also of determining what changes will need to be made to Dad and Mom's home so that it will be easily accessible for Dad as he goes about his daily living. We are also praying about the scheduling and place of Dad's treatments and would appreciate your prayers joining with ours.

Thank you again for all of your prayers and support this past week. Tomorrow it will be a week since we found out that Dad had the tumor and what a week it has been! It has been a week to renew our focus on what is true and lovely and real, a week to remind us that our treasure should be in heaven, a week to focus on the cross and on Jesus Christ. It has been a week of praying that God will be glorified by our actions and reactions, a week of believing in and praying for miracles, a week of praising God for all His gifts. What a gift the Body of Christ is! We have just been overwhelmed by your love for our family! All the visits, all the prayers said and tears shed for us, all the cards and meals and phone calls and e-mails!!!!! This is Jesus Christ in you, we are so blessed to be a part of the Body of Christ with you!!!!

We love you, our brothers and sisters!
The Carson and Wells families

Happy Anniversary!!

Today Mom and Dad celebrate 36 years together. As Dad said this morning "glorious years."

As a child you don't always appreciate this. What 10 year old actually wants to see their parents kissing and slow dancing in the kitchen? Certainly not this one. In my 10 year old voice I would have said "eewww.....gross."

But as an adult, you strive for this kind of love.

C.S. Lewis said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I have seen no selfishness in my parent's relationship. Oh, I'm not saying they are perfect, for no one is, but their marriage has truly been a partnership. Their lives have not been wrapped up in hobbies but rather wrapped up in service to God and with that comes their love for each other and their family.

Throughout this entire trial Dad has continually quoted 1 John 4:18. "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "

Love. The word is so full of mushy sentiment in today's world. A greeting card industry's "most valuable player." But love is not a sentiment. Love is a choice. Love is a requirement for a "peace....which passes all understanding."

How does one get through trials with mush and sentiment? One doesn't.

One gets through trials with love. Real love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
-- Corinthians 13:7-8

The Patient

Dad and some random Hare Krishna.

Moving Day

Dad is just surprising everyone. Either that or the ICU is running out of space. At this very moment he is being moved to a regular room on the surgery recovery floor.

The neurologist-on-call stopped by this morning to check on Dad's progress. He began by asking a few simple questions such as "where are you?" and "do you know your name?" We aren't entirely sure if the drugs are still in high effect or if Dad is just being Dad but apparently his new name is "john jacob jingleheimer schmidt" or something to that effect.

Did I mention that Dad faked a small seizure yesterday afternoon before surgery just because he thought it might be amusing? I think we should have had this man's brain checked out years ago.

And, he still wants his chili dog.

Mom said that he was able to play a little air-piano this morning which is hopeful. We were concerned he might lose this which would be devastating for Dad but if his air-piano is any indication, he should be just fine.

We have been so blessed by all the visitors and email and phone calls. My Dad is a man who is loved. We also have seen how God is using this experience to reveal His glory. Everyone will not understand how a man faced with death can still experience joy. They will ask how we, as his family, do not weep in sorrow.

We do weep and we shall weep, but our hope is in God and we know that David Carson is a stranger in a strange land and his home and his rest is yet to come.

My sister reminded me earlier this week of a moment from "The Silver Chair" by C.S. Lewis.


Puddleglum: Suppose... suppose we have only dreamed and made up these things like sun, sky, stars, and moon, and Aslan himself. In that case, it seems to me that the made-up things are a good deal better than the real ones. And if this black pits of a kingdom is the best you can make, then it's a poor world. And we four can make a dream world to lick your real one hollow. As for me, I shall live like a Narnian even if there isn't any Narnia.

Out of Surgery!!

Dad will be so disappointed when he wakes up and is just looking at the boring faces of his family. We can't compare with Jesus but I guess we'll have to do for now.

We just talked to the neurosurgeon that operated on Dad. He was able to remove all of the tumor and place time released chemotherapy tablets into the cavity that housed the tumor. The MRI had accurately shown the size and depth of the tumor and by the grace of God, there were no surprises during surgery.

The next step is for Dad to recover from the anesthesia which should take about an hour and a half. Then we get to pick on his skinny shaved head.

Dad will remain in ICU for about three more days and then be moved to a regular room. The pathology on the tumor will be returned on Friday and treatment will be decided at that point. We do know that the tumor was malignant but we don't know how this will affect treatment until Friday.

Thank you for all of your prayers and check back for regular updates.

Anticipation

Early Friday evening Mom and Dad returned home after Dad's MRI. Dad was starving. Now, those of you that know Dad understand how vitally important his need for a good hearty meal is. My Dad has never been what you would call "husky." Needless to say, I did not inherit his metabolism. Regardless, Dad was craving a big-ol' chili dog!

Mom, loving wife that she is, fixed Dad the best looking hot dog you can imagine. We're talking about a dripping, gooey mound of chili and slaw. It was beautiful enough to make a vegetarian convert to a carnivore.

Then the phone rang.

Mom answered and Dad knew immediately that she was talking to the neurologist. He listened intently with his untouched chili dog sitting on the tray in his lap. That's when he heard Mom say "He has a brain tumor?"

To most, this would be a crushing blow. A death sentence. To Dad it was something entirely different.

Dad told my Mom that when he heard those words come out of her mouth, he was overcome with excitement. He knew what a brain tumor meant and for him that meant he would see his Savior soon.

This is my Dad. A man living in the light of eternity. A man not afraid of death but rather running toward the finish line. A man who fully understands that "perfect love casts out fear."

Mom, holding it together, as much as can be expected, called the EMS to pick Dad up and take him to Wake Med. The 911 operator told her to make sure he did not eat or drink anything.

Mom snatched that chili dog off of Dad's lap so fast that even Oscar Meyer could feel the wind from it. This would become the most unbearable thing that Mom had ever done to Dad in 36 years of marriage and believe it when I say that everyone he has come into contact with for the last three days has heard the chili dog story. I think, perhaps, he still wants that chili dog.

So, here we sit awaiting Dad's surgery which will happen at 2:00 today. We are hopeful and have absolute faith in our Lord. This is a win-win situation. We will either get to keep the man we love for a little while longer or he will get to see his Savior and hear "Well done, good and faithful servant."