Thank You

In the next couple of weeks our family will make a final blog post. In the meantime we want to thank you for all of your encouragement, love and prayers over the past 13 months. We are blessed.

Pam and family

Dad's Funeral

As it stands, Dad's Funeral will be this Thursday 7/21/11.

The visitation will begin at 10:00 a.m. at Fellowship Bible Church and the Funeral will begin at 11:00 a.m., also at FBC.

Following the Funeral, we will caravan over to Wake Chapel Church for the burial.

The physical address for FBC is:

401 South Main St.
Fuquay-Varina NC 27526

The address for Wake Chapel Church is:

905 Wake Chapel Rd.
Fuquay-Varina NC 27526

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made to the Senegal Mission Fund.
Checks should be made out to Fellowship Bible Church with "Senegal Mission Fund" on the memo line.

The mailing address for Fellowship Bible Church is

P.O. Box 880
Fuquay-Varina NC 27526

Funeral Info

We are waiting for Philip to make it home from Afghanistan. If he makes it home in time, the funeral will be at 11am on Thursday (10am for visitation). If he is later in the week getting home, we will have the service on Saturday morning, same times. Service will be at Fellowship Bible Church in Fuquay-Varina, NC.

In lieu of flowers, Dad asked that donations be made to the Senegal Mission Fund. We have dear friends who serve in Senegal, West Africa which is where Mom and Dad also served for some years. Checks and donations can be made payable/sent to: Fellowship Bible Church
                                            (Senegal Mission Fund or David Carson written on bottom line of check)
                                            401 South Main Street
                                            Fuquay-Varina, NC 27526

We'll keep you posted on Philip's progress getting home!

Faith is now sight.

Daddy is experiencing Heaven! Praise the Lord! The race is finished.

Thoughts from Lydia

The past few days have been difficult for us as David enters this new stage. Lydia, with honesty, has shared her thoughts on her blog. Click the link below to read a daughter's thoughts on watching her dad die.

http://themommypages.blogspot.com/

As always, may God be glorified in all of our responses. Thank you for praying with us that David will soon see his Savior face to face.

Pam

God's Ways Are Not Our Ways

Shortly after David’s surgery last May, after he had bounced back to his almost normal self, he though he would try and write the sequel to his book Maccabee. He discovered he could not. His mind just would not stay focused long enough. So he laid down that dream. But he wasn’t ready to give up on life and ministry. He wanted to use this experience to honor the Lord and maybe encourage others along the way. He thought he might be able to write a short devotional, so he got a legal pad and jotted down some thoughts. I found the legal pad a few months ago. This is as far as he got – the outline (or maybe a partial outline).

Introduction – Learning about having terminal cancer
Chp 1 – A Matter of Perspective
Doctor’s comment about keeping “it” in the background
Keeping eternity in view
Truth
Making sure you are in Christ so you can have a positive perspective
Living in the unseen
Chp 2 – Blessing others with Truth
Demonstrating joy
Chp 3 – Caring for those left behind. Putting house in order

The devotional didn’t get written or rather it didn’t get put on paper. David did write it. Over these past few months he has written it with his life and is still writing it as God says, “not yet. I’m not yet finished with you.”

A month ago we thought God was going to take him home. He didn’t. For the past 3 -4 days he has been sleeping almost around the clock with only short periods of wakefulness. He will still eat a few bites of food (probably the steroids) but is drinking very little. He does not initiate conversation but most of the time he will respond to my simple yes/no questions, though not always. He has periods of being really confused but at other times he understands and responds well. He does not have any problems with knowing who anyone is.

This is where we are today. Only God knows tomorrow.

We are learning in a deeper way that God’s thoughts and ways are not ours. He knows what He is doing and He wants our complete trust, especially when we don’t understand. The journey is not easy but we trust Him to get us there in His perfect time.

Thank you for your continued support to all of our family

Pam

Quick Update

Lydia here. Just wanted to give all of Mom and Dad's blog readers a quick update. Dad is picking up speed and racing towards the goal. I know he can't wait to cross over the finish line.

This past week, we have all seen a rapid decline in his abilities and what he is able to do.  I really feel like we are now at the end, perhaps less than a week away. Only the Lord knows how much time Dad has left on this earth, of course.

Please keep our family in your prayers. Philip deploys the beginning of June, so pray for safe travels for him and courage on the homefront for his wife, Angela, as she will be mothering/homeschooling their 4 little ones.


Thank you ALL for your prayers and words of comfort and encouragement over this last year.

Happy Birthday Dad!

My Father’s Shadow - from Philip

Most of us spend our days trying to get out of someone's shadow - I long to walk in the shadow of another.

It was a cool summer night some 12 years ago but it will be forever etched in my mind as the moment when I stepped into my Dad's shadow. I was 20 years old and had just recently accepted a call that had forever been on my heart and finally had taken hold of my spirit, a call to serve.

That night so many years ago I had rooted out an issue that was distracting the fellowship of the youth I was leading. The issue long since lost in time was not the reason that night meant what it did for me, nor the response or restoration that followed. No, the heart of that night rested in the four words my father uttered after we had stepped outside afterwards.

Four words that even now choke me up - "I'm proud of you."

Now to many who would hear those words pride would come, knowing that you are living up to the expectation of your dad - making him proud. To be fair, this was not the first time I had head those fateful words nor would it be the last. But here unlike other times, it was speaking to something far greater than a father's simple pride in his son. In this moment something other worldly has passed between us that has since marked me as the man I am.

As Timothy walked in the shadow of Paul, so too do I walk in the shadow of my father. Not as one seeking the accolade of flesh and blood but rather as a young minister yearning for the approval of the call he felt on his life.

In that moment those words echoed across the un-dawned years of my life to spring up within me a fire to continue the legacy of this man, not a legacy built of human design but one formed in the very Spirit of God. Understand, this man is my goal, not because he has value within his own members but rather because throughout my whole life I have never met a more Godly man.

My Dad has been consumed from my earliest memories with a God far greater than any, even with what I find in our own churches. This God, in His greatness, is at once both power unimagined and love unrestrained. This was and is my Dad’s legacy; his view of the Almighty and it leaves room for nothing else in the life of the believer.

HE truly becomes the very air we breathe, the very beat of our heart.

In the years that have followed, the proudest moments of my life have been those that have identified me with my Dad. From a prayer to a sermon to a look, I spend my life emulating this man as he pursues his, no, our God with total fanatical abandon.

I don't strive to be like my Dad because he's my Dad, no I strive to be like my Dad because his life points me to my God.

This is his legacy.

And it is why I walk in his shadow, joyfully.

Philip

From Lydia: http://themommypages.blogspot.com/

From Hannah: http://www.hannahecarson.com/

Celebrating the Truth and Hope of Easter

It was last year right around Easter that our church family, friends, and acquaintances begin to notice something was wrong with David. I had been aware that things were not “right” for a month or so prior to this, but it was hard to define. (We blogged all of this in earlier posts.) It would be another month (May 21st, 2010) before we would know he had a brain tumor.

It has been a very long and difficult year. We have shed many tears. But through it all we have had an overwhelming peace. We continue to know deep within our spirits that God is good and that His plans for us are good plans.

Make no mistake; cancer is NOT good, death is NOT good. No one wants to get cancer and no one wants to die. Death is our enemy. If David only had death to look forward to he would not have such peace. He would not have expressed excitement and joy when he heard the words “brain tumor”. Those words do NOT bring excitement. They do not bring joy. They do not bring hope.

David has said to me on more than one occasion over the past couple of months, “cancer is bad”. And it is. It is a terrible disease. There is nothing good about cancer. It is part of a fallen world, just as is death.

Since he was 19 years old David has lived with a different reality than the majority of people. His reality has been the unseen, the eternal, on what comes after this life. This is why he, why our family, has been able to make it through a very difficult year. We have a sure hope. This life, the here and now is not all there is. Cancer is not the end. Death is not the end. David and I, along with our family are looking beyond cancer, beyond death.

The life God has promised us is a life without cancer, without death, without separation. We can’t even begin to imagine how wonderful and awesome this new life will be!

We are so thankful for the truth of God’s Word. What encouragement it brings! What hope! Listen:

"For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures

But if there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain.

Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed.

Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

All of those verses were from I Corinthians, chapter 15. I encourage you to get a Bible and read the whole chapter.

In a few days we will celebrate Easter. It is because of what happened over 2,000 years ago on that Cross that David can face eternity with excitement and joy. Our prayer is that everyone we touch, whether through this blog or in person will know that same excitement and joy.

Christ is risen! Hallelujah!

David, Pam and Family

We're so glad we're a part of the family of God...

David and I have been unable to go to church and worship with our church family since this past December, so yesterday some of the church came to us.

We were blessed when a group from our church came so we could worship the Lord together and share communion. We all gathered in the bedroom with David and sang to the Lord some of the great old hymns; Jesus Paid It All, And Can It Be, I’ll Fly Away, Be Thou My Vision, and He Lives. We then shared communion together, remembering Jesus’ great sacrifice on the Cross for us. It was a wonderful time together.

God has blessed us in so many ways over the past 11 months through the Body of Christ and our church family specifically. How can we express thanks to those who clean our house, do our yard work, run errands, pick up groceries, bring us special treats, make meals, come for visits, and send cards? I could go on and on with the many, many ways we are encouraged by our brothers and sisters in Christ. We continue to be humbled by it all and are learning in a new way to graciously receive what is given.

To each and everyone of you, thank you for easing the way! God has given us so much more that we deserve. We are blessed.

We love you and daily thank God for you.

David, Pam and Family

Life Lessons

Through the years David and I have talked about death and dying. This is not morbid but looking honestly at what comes to all of us. We have expressed a desire to “die well”. By this I mean honoring the Lord and accepting His will in whatever way He plans for us to leave this life. My dear, dear, husband is dying well.

David never once has questioned God in all of this. He has accepted this cancer as His plan. From the beginning we have prayed for healing, but always submitting our will to God who knows so much better than us what He is doing. David’s greatest desire has been for God to be glorified in his life. I believe He is.

Not quite two years ago David took a weekend and walked a section of the Appalachian Trail with a friend. You have to be somewhat in shape physically to do that. He loved it and wanted to do more. He was faithful to walk on the treadmill to stay in shape, to be prepared for the “next time”.

David loved looking at the stars in the night sky. He has a telescope and on cold nights he would get out on our deck and look at the stars. They would set his mind soaring on the Creator.

Since David was 6 years old he has played the piano. God has used his gift in many ways through the years. He has written worship songs in English and Wolof. He has taught hundreds of children to play the piano. He has lead worship in several churches. How he has filled our home with beautiful music! I could sit and listen to him for hours.

He would daily spend time reading the Word of God and always had three or four other books on his night stand that he was reading through; Christian, comics, and astronomy to physics.

He has read book after book, gone for walks, built fires, and had races in the backyard with the grandchildren, loving to hear those voices say, “Do it again, granddaddy!”

Now he is unable to do any of these things. He lies in his bed unable to even roll over on his own, much less walk or run. He has lost most of his sight so he is unable to read or look at the stars. He no longer can sit at the piano and worship the Lord through his music. He is unable to play with his grandchildren or read to them. BUT…

lying in his bed he is SHOUTING his faith in the God he loves and has trusted all these years. He trusts Him to take him all the way home and NEVER the first complaint over what he has lost or what he can no longer do. His gaze is fixed on what he is gaining.

How I love this man. Even in dying he is teaching me about faith and trust.

Pam

“Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.” Hebrews 11:16

Sunday Update

We have now been home from the hospital almost 6 weeks. David continues to slowly decline. He no longer has PT and OT. He is confined to the bed. He sleeps most of the time. Occasionally he will listen to Christian radio. He enjoys classical music and the old hymns. This morning we sang together and I read Romans 8. We are so encouraged by God’s Word –“ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” What a wonderful, comforting promise to us who know the Lord.

Last week we heard a song on one of the Christian stations and we have sung it all week because it is our testimony. May it also be yours.

THE BLOOD OF CALVARY

When the harvest has been gathered

All my work is done

When the last mile’s been traveled

And I’ve sung my final song

If I’m called to give an answer

At heaven’s judgment seat

Then let the blood of Calvary speak for me.

May He write me down as righteous

Where no righteousness has been

Shielding me from wrath and judgment

As it covers all my sin

There’s no work that I’ve accomplished

Nor my goodness would I plead

Just let the blood of Calvary speak for me.

There may be some friends who’ll witness

And speak a word so kind

But their voice would seem so feeble

At such an awesome time

But there’s a voice that calls for mercy

Ringing thru eternity

Just let the blood of Calvary speak for me.

May He write me down as righteous
Where no righteousness has been
Shielding me from wrath and judgment
As it covers all my sin
There’s no work that I’ve accomplished
Nor my goodness would I plead
Just let the blood of Calvary speak for me.

Because of Calvary,
David and Pam

A Few Blessings from the Lord

We are so thankful for the many ways God has blessed us over the past week. Here are a few of them:

Meals provided by our church family.

Someone cleaned our house.

A young man in our church came over and spent time with David so I could run some errands. Last year this young man lost his father to brain cancer.

Visits by several friends and family members.

The continued prayers & messages of encouragement by so many friends around the world, from North Carolina to England to Senegal, to Australia.

David not having to go to the doctor on Wednesday. When I called and explained our situation to the surgeon he told me not to come in but just to continue with the wound VAC therapy here at home and call him if I needed him.

A visit by my sister and brother-in-law from Georgia.

Seeing Rich, Lydia and the grandchildren for the first time in several weeks. (Lydia is slowly on the mend from mono.)

David being out of bed for several hours on Saturday. Even though he could not get up on his own, my brother-in-law got David up and to the den to spend some time with our family. This was the first time David has gotten out of bed since we came home over two weeks ago.

David being awake and alert and enjoying all of our visitors this week. He was able to share with several of our friends and family that he has no fear of dying but a great expectation and excitement about seeing Jesus. He has quoted Romans 8:18 & 19 each time he has shared. I’ve shared these verses on the blog before, but I leave you with them again.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.”

We thank God for His daily care. His blessings are more numerous than we can possibly know.

David and Pam

Our Hope

Tomorrow will make one week since David was discharged from the hospital. We are so very thankful to be home together.

We are still getting settled into a schedule with home health care. We should have someone in to help every weekday; nursing, physical and occupational therapy. David’s dressing for his wound VAC gets changed every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He is currently bedridden but we are hopeful as he regains some strength and energy that he will be able to walk again. He no longer reads because of the difficulty in focusing and concentrating and because his eye sight has worsened. I know this has not been easy for him. He has always spent so much time reading the Bible and Christian authors. If you have ever been in our home you know the value we place on reading. The Lord has blessed us and grown us more by good authors than any other means apart from the Word itself.

I talked with David’s oncologist today. We both feel the most pressing need for David right now is to heal from his recent colon surgery and complications. Once we see some more healing of the wound and once David regains some energy and strength we will schedule a brain MRI and then a follow-up appointment to decide future treatment. He is no longer on blood thinners for stroke prevention nor on chemo for the brain tumors. Our trust is in the Lord.

Lingering suffering of someone you love is not easy to watch. I know we are not unique. There are many people all over the world in the same situation, some with hope like us, others with no hope. As hard as this is, I can’t imagine going through this without the One who gives us a sure hope.

David and I spend some time most mornings and evenings together with me reading from the Word or a devotional like Spurgeon’s Morning & Evening and then praying together. We have found great encouragement in reminding ourselves of God’s promises to us.

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.” Lamentations 3:22-26

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,” I Peter 1:3

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.” Job 13:15

If you do not have this living hope, our prayer is that somehow God would use our journey to draw you to Himself.

David and Pam

We are home!

God does indeed hear our cry - and answer!

More later.

My Store of Resources are Gone

It is after 4:00 PM on Tuesday afternoon and we are still in the hospital. We will be here at least one more day and possibly two. It seems the request for the wound VAC was not faxed to our insurance company until 3:00 PM on Monday. Once it reaches them it takes a minimum of 2 to 3 days for approval.

David and I both were so ready to go home today. I have had people on hold for two days waiting to help me get David in the house and settled in the bed. Some dear friends picked up my groceries for me and unpacked them. I have had to reschedule home health care twice now. I have not worked since December 28th. Tomorrow will be four weeks since the EMS brought us to the ER and David had his emergency surgery for the colon perforation.

We want this blog to be very honest as we walk this road designed by God. So I am telling you all that I came to the end of my resources this morning on hearing the news that we wouldn’t be going home. All I could do was cry and say, “Lord, no more pressure.” Shedding tears is a wonderful release, especially when we shed them before the Lord. David didn’t shed tears but he was ready to leave without the wound VAC. We are both so tired emotionally. I guess a month in the hospital will do that to you. We have nothing in us with which to go on but our God has more than we need. At my moment of despair God brought to my mind a hymn I have loved to sing through the years. Today it was very personal. The words are below.

David and I ask that you continue to bring our whole family before the God who hears and who gives and gives again.

Pam

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;

To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits,

His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Sunday Update

The past four days have been a roller coaster ride; starting with getting David discharged from the skilled nursing facility, ride home and then fours hours later calling EMS to transport us to the ER, to being admitted into the hospital again. Lydia's post gave some of the details so I won't repeat them. After the transfusion, David's blood levels have stayed in a good range. There has been no more bleeding from the stoma. The wound VAC is working and David has not needed any pain medicine since the dressing change on Friday.

The equipment needed for the home wound VAC was ordered on Friday, so hopefully, it will arrive tomorrow. If it does, we will most likely get to go home. We will need a lot of help once we get home and will be taking people up on their offers to help. We are so very blessed to have such wonderful friends and church family. We will also have home health care coming for PT and OT, wound care, and some regular nursing, like blood draws, etc.

Please pray for David's continued healing from this surgery, that there will be no more issues with bleeding, that he will each day get a little stronger and be able to do a little more physically.

We thank God for His continued grace to us. I've had two dear friends who have lost their spouses to brain cancer each share with me that the time with their spouse was the most precious and the most awful at the same time. I agree. Awful because you are watching the one you love suffer and you are helpless to do anything about it. Precious because you get the opportunity to just sit and tell one another how much you love each other and how thankful you are that God brought you together. Just today David and I were talking about our wedding vows - " in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse.." and he said, "ours has been better than most". These are the precious moments that I will always cherish. What a wonderful gift God has given me these past seven months.

Awful and precious - may God be glorified in it all.

Pam

Prayers

Lydia here. My sister called me late last night to let me know that Mom and Dad were on the way back to the hospital in an ambulance after only just arriving home yesterday. My heart sank. "When, O Lord, will you give rest to the weary?" Dad had not been receiving the best of care at the rehab facility and Mom is quite sure (as I am) that between Home Health Care and herself, Dad will be well looked-after. So, Mom had Dad discharged yesterday and she and a sweet friend brought him home.

Last night, my Mom was checking/redoing my Dad's colostomy bag (which they would not have done at the rehab facility) and noticed blood and clots in it. She immediately called their wonderful Home Health supervisor. The supervisor recommended going to the ER. She also explained that she believes the problem is due to the fact that Dad is on a blood thinner. Long story and lot of facts, so I won't go into all of that, but Dad is on blood thinners to prevent strokes. Glioblastoma care is like a puzzle. One med to prevent something can cause something else and nothing ever seems to work out as planned. God knows though- He is even orchestrating the small stuff, though I have yet to see where his plan in all this is going. I must believe that the great I AM is in the details, for isn't that what the Christian walk is based on? Faith and Hope. Faith is believing that God is who He says He is and that He will do what He says He will do. Hope is looking forward to eternity with Him and being excited about seeing that "big picture" all laid out someday. I can't wait (neither can Dad)!

Still, even with faith and hope, this journey is an exhausting one. Mom has now been up for 24 hours. Dad has not rested well since his initial hospitalization with this issue 15 (?) days ago. There is nothing Satan loves more than a weary person. When one is tired, it is easy to play up the fears, cause doubts to arise, so easy to focus on the here and now and lose sight of eternity. And that bring me to the last and greatest of "these three." Faith, hope, and...LOVE. If you love my parents, please continue to take them before the throne of grace. Ask for rest and peace for both my parents. Ask for wisdom for them and the medical teams that they deal with. Ask for chances to share the gospel with those they meet and for my parents to have boldness and seize those chances. Years ago, when I was going through something hard, a sweet friend once said to me, "I don't why I said all I could do right now was pray for you when in reality, it's the most I can do for you!" I've never forgotten that. If you are like me, you want to do something physical to help my parents, but taking them before the King of Kings is exactly what you should be doing! The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing! However, if you are able to express your love in other ways, cards in the mail are appreciated. Once they are home, meals would be nice since Mom will be working some and taking care of Dad. Send an email or Facebook message letting them know you are praying. Dad got a stereo for Christmas, so if you want to share your classical CDs with him, he'd love that. Picking up groceries for Mom (Lowes Foods to Go is AWESOME). Sitting with Dad so Mom can get out of the hospital or house. I am on day 8 of an illness that leaves me in bed, so I appreciate any care that others are giving my parents since I am unable to do so. Hannah is doing an awesome job taking care of Mom and Dad, but she does have a job and can't always be there. Love....the greatest of these is love. Thank you all for all the ways you have already shown such love to my family!

Dad received 2 units of blood and 4 units of plasma this morning. There are no available beds in the hospital, so he is still in the ER waiting to see the surgeon. No idea what is going to happen at this point but it looks like once a bed is available, he will move to a floor. Dad is alert and not in pain, that is a blessing! I need to look for even the small blessings, God is in the small stuff. I believe it!

Full Day at Rehab

David received his PT/OT assessment on Saturday. The OT visited him yesterday and he was able, with help, to get to a sitting position, standing with the walker, taking a couple of steps to the wheelchair. He ate lunch sitting in the wheelchair. He used his hands to wheel himself in the hallway a little ways. He was up for about an hour and a half. Then he slept the rest of the afternoon.

Today he had both PT and OT. They are working on all-around strengthening. He has been given exercises he can do in the bed with his legs. He has yet to do any walking - but that will come with time.

This morning he had his wound VAC dressing changed. Normally this has been torture for him. When we arrived on Friday, the wound nurse here at Blue Ridge put in an extra layer of dressing that she said should help keep the sponge from sticking to the wound. Well, this morning David said this change was less painful than the others. Pray that we will begin to see a closing of this wound and a lessening of pain with each dressing change.

On Saturday I wheeled David down to the dining room to see the very-out-of-tune piano. He played a few notes. The therapist said they would work this as part of his therapy. Of course, David was thinking, "the first job is to get this piano tuned!" LOL

Please pray for David's stay in this facility. The goal is to get him stronger so that we can bring him home. There is no place like home. I am mindful of others in this place with no home and no loved ones to help. Pray for them: "But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless...You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Ps 10: 14,17, 18

Pam

Moving to Skilled Nursing Facility

David will be moving this afternoon to Blue Ridge Health Care Center in Raleigh. The doctor's felt he needed this transition period for healing and to regain some strength before coming home.


Yesterday was a very hard day for me emotionally. David in this facility means leaving him at night and letting someone else care for him. This is a deeper surrender God is asking of me. Can I trust God to take care of David when I'm not there? Easy to say, harder to do. Over 25 years ago the Lord asked a similar thing of me with my children. We were missionaries in Senegal and I was wrestling with leaving our children in boarding school, two days away from us. It was not easy, but by the grace and strength of God I surrendered to God's will. God has shown me many times through the years how He used that experience to shape all of us; David, me and the children, into what we are today. God does not waste any experience. His goal is to mold us into the image of His Son. He is still doing that today in all of us - David, me and our children. Sometimes the molding is painful, but always for our good.

Prayer Requests:

• It is never too late, in this life, to pray for complete healing - from brain cancer, blindness from stroke, colostomy reversal. - but always submitted to the will of God.
  
• Continued wound healing for David. This also includes the colostomy, which is healing slower than normal.
  
• Regaining strength so that he is able to sit up by himself, stand, and walk.
  
• For our witness and testimony with the other patients and medical staff.
  
• I said a few days ago that God was not finished with David. We believe God is putting David in this place so that the Gospel and the hope of eternal life can be shared with those he will meet.
  
• That he will be able to come home again, much stronger than he is now.

Thank you all for your many cards, emails, FB comments, phones calls. They have been such a blessing and encouragement to us.

May God be glorified in our lives.

Pam

Wednesday Update

It was two weeks ago today that EMS brought David to the ER and we discovered he had a perforated colon and needed emergency surgery. We have had so many emotional highs and lows over the past two weeks but through it all we have known a deep peace that comes only from God Himself - the God of all comfort. I am humbled and blessed to look back on two very difficult weeks and see that God has carried us through it all.

David, by God's mercy and grace is very slowly recovering from this surgery. His healing process will be much slower than a healthy person because of his compromised immune system and the medicines he is on for his brain cancer. His white blood count has been normal for a couple of days, so between the antibiotics and changing the wound vac every two days the infection has been cleared up. Changing the wound vac is torture and wipes him out for the rest of the day.

He still is unable, without help, to get to a sitting position on the bed. We want to see him sit up, stand and walk using a walker. This too will be a slow process. We are currently discussing with the medical team (surgeon, neurologist, oncologist, and specialty nurses) the best course of action for moving forward. Which would be best for David; rehab or daily home health care with a variety of help? We are leaning toward going home. Please pray with us as we will probably need to make a decision in the next day or so.

Step by step, day by day, we are learning in new ways what it means to trust Him who is ever faithful.

Thanks for walking with us.

Pam and family

Saturday Afternoon Update

David is alert and looking better than I have seen him for several days. Praise God! The antibiotics are working and his white blood count is going down. The blood transfusion yesterday has given him a boost. Today is the first time he has eaten more than a couple of bites of food in over a week. He has managed to move from his bed to a chair for some sitting up time. His healing from this surgery is going to be slow.

Two nights ago I really thought I was going to lose David. I believe the doctors thought so too and as much as told us the possibility was there on two different occasions. As knowledgeable as doctors are, these situations show us even more clearly that each of our days are numbered by God. He is the only one who knows the end of our days.

God is not finished with David and there is more He wants all of us to learn about surrender and suffering and giving thanks in all circumstances. Oh, God, may we be forever teachable.

"Patience is more than endurance.

A saint's life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer.

God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says--'I cannot stand anymore.'

God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly.

Trust yourself in God's hands.

Maintain your relationship to Jesus Christ by the patience of faith.

'Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him." — Oswald Chambers

Pam

Friday Morning

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9:24

Over 38 years ago David saw the truth of those words and life changed forever for him. For the past 36 ½ years I have lived with him and seen his commitment to Christ. Christ has been his life.

The past few days have been surreal in many ways for me. I wonder if it is like this for everyone facing the death of a loved one from a hospital bed. The doctors and nurses come in, examine him and order the next round of tests or medications trying to save a life.

So many people cling to this life and take extraordinary measures to hold on to it. David has always lived with the hope and assurance of the next life so he is more than ready to leave this life and all of its limitations and bodily suffering. His biggest concern has been for me. God has given us the most awesome, wonderful marriage where we truly have been one. I know how passionately my husband has loved me and still loves me, but He has always loved Jesus more – in this I find great comfort. What greater gift could a husband give his wife than to love their Savior more? My heart breaks as I write these words, for life without this dearest of God’s blessings will not be easy and yet I know I will be all right for God has promised to never leave me or forsake me.

We don’t know if God is going to take David in the next few days or not, but we are at peace with whatever God does.

Here is the latest:
David is now wearing a DNR bracelet. We want him as comfortable as possible but we do not want any extraordinary means used to keep him alive in this body (his spirit is being renewed day by day). He had two units of blood this morning. His white blood count is still up and the doctors don’t know the source. They have ordered a CT scan to see if maybe he has another abscess in his abdomen. If he does, surgery is not an option because he is so weak. They could put in a drain depending on the location or the possibility is there that nothing could be done. Again, we are at peace. God is in the details.

Thank you for your continued prayers and words of encouragement. We are blessed.

Pam

Update 1/6/11

Lydia here! Thank you all so much for your prayers and support as our family goes through this time of unknowns and ups and downs. Thank you for lifting us up to the One who knows all and who has the perfect plan. A master plan. A plan in which every moment that Dad is left on earth simply means that his work on earth is not yet done and that there is more glory that he can bring to his Lord.

I know so many of you are faithfully praying for us. So many of you have asked what you can do to help our family in this time of need. We need your prayers! I would also like to ask you to feel free to email my parents with words of encouragement or drop a card in the mail. I am checking my parents mailbox on a regular basis and would enjoy taking them something besides bills:)

Here's what is happening so you will know how to pray:
Dad's white blood cell count continues to rise and we don't know why. The hospital staff is doing what they can to find out. While I was at the hospital today, they opened Dad back up and it appears that the cell-count issue is not related to last week's surgery (colostomy). There doesn't seem to be any infection at the wound site. Because Dad has been on blood thinners, he is bleeding a lot and his hemoglobin is very low.Right now his counts (hemoglobin) are sitting at 8.5, once it drops to 8, he will need to receive a transfusion. Dad is very weak, sleeping around the clock (except when he's being poked and prodded), and his color isn't good. He is completely immobile, whereas only this past weekend, he was able to walk around some. A lot needs to happen before he can come home from the hospital.

Here's what you can praise God for: Dr. Canon is the surgeon who did the colostomy last Wednesday. Now, I've been around the medical community enough to know that this doctor is a rare find indeed.He has already been by Dad's room THREE times today. I really appreciated his bedside manner, he seems to really care about Dad and expresses interest in our entire family. The nurses have all told us how "lucky" we were that he was on call when we came into the ER last week. We know that luck had nothing to do with it:)
I'm also so thankful for my parents' church family. I have a dear friend in their congregation that I can call at the drop of a hat and she will see that things get done. Sometime over the next couple of days they are going to take care of some things for Mom and Dad- big jobs, not little things by any means! Although, having said that...even the little things are HUGE. Cards, emails, FB messages, it all means so much to us right now and is so encouraging- THANK YOU!!!!

Well, I'm at my parents house as I write this and the laundry's almost done and the house is tidy, so time to head back to my little (HAH!) family and take care of things there. Thank you all for your prayers!
~Lydia

Tuesday Update

David's strength has weakened. Today we were unable to get him in a sitting position and therefore unable to get him up for a walk. I have requested PT.

The results from the echocardiogram, ordered by the neurologist yesterday, showed that David has a hole in his heart (not unusual) BUT because of his condition (combination of meds, disease, lack of mobility) a blood clot was able to "jump over" the hole and travel to his brain (my simple un-medical explanation). Because of the one stroke in October we knew he was susceptible to others. The hole in his heart further raises the risk. He had a ultrasound on his legs today to see if there are any blood clots. We haven't heard anything so perhaps that is good news. He will definitely need to be back on Coumadin after he starts eating again.

Finally after six days David's oncologist came in tonight. This has been very upsetting for me especially since it was on her advice that we brought David to this particular hospital. There was a communication breakdown somewhere and she was not informed until today. I asked the nurse to call her - and she did. The doctor is recommending to the surgeon that we move David to the neuro floor so that he will get care more related to his limitations with the brain cancer.

He seems to be healing from the surgery. His wound looks good. He started full liquids today with no problems.

Today was especially tiring for him. On the whole, I feel he is mentally alert with only minor occasional confusion. He has let the nurses and doctors know that I speak for him because sometimes he might not get it right.

I am so thankful tonight for the everlasting arms. I know they are holding David and me and our family very close.

"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms..." Deut. 33:27

Pam

The In-Between

After a rough night David is finally resting. The surgeon came in this morning and said the NG tube could be removed. David can only have ice chips at this point to see how he tolerates them but we are thankful for this small step toward recovery.

A little later in the morning we saw the doctor on-call with our oncology practice. He was very nice and confirmed what I (Pam) was suspecting. A combination of the Avastin chemo drug and the steroids most likely caused the rupture in David's colon. It is all a balancing act - introduce additional drugs to keep the tumors at bay but risk other complications. The Avastin was stopped in early December because an MRI showed David had had a stroke - enter balancing act # 2. Stop Avasin and the benefits of slowing tumor growth or start Coumadin (blood thinner) because the greater risk has now become another stroke.

Because of David's high risk for another stroke the doctor's are increasing the dosage of his Heparin injection. This adds balancing act # 3 - keep him from a stroke and slow the healing from surgery or keep the dosage the same and risk another stroke.

A while back I wrote "God knows the end of this journey - and everything in between." When I wrote that I certainly did not know that we would have these complications. All my eyes could see was the journey of brain cancer and how, if God did not heal David, what the progression of the disease would do to him. A ruptured colon, emergency surgery, a colostomy were not in the picture. God graciously does not allow us to see "everything in between". Knowing the end is what gives us hope.

Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. One day sin and suffering will be totally done away with. In the meantime, we eagerly await...

Pam